nothing is what is seems...nobody is who they seem....is there anyone out there that can be fully trusted? is the world a safe place for a girl such as me? too trusting, too fragile, too willing to care for those types who treat my heart like a ping-pong ball, like a piece of useless rubble...God, bless them, as with all those who seek me harm…but please… not yet.
I’m beginning to understand why the Buddhist philosophy is so inticing ….i really wish that this all was an illusion and that there is no really is no spoon, no pain – it is all in my head, and I can breathe and will it all away….but, no….too many regretful mornings remind me that the brutal reality is that it that reality really does suck sometimes…
my deepest fear is that he was right...that they all were right...am i really that undesirable, that easy to toss aside without a second thought or a twinge of sorrow or regret ? Just when you think you are getting stronger, a person who you thought was on your side steals your confidence by switching teams and batting amongst all your life-long opponents that you have spent endless years convincing yourself that they were all in the wrong because you are indeed worth something….
So now I am through. Through, through, completely through. My two seconds of boundary-less self-pity and I am through. I refuse to allow my over-analyticalness to blind me to the fact that all is well with my soul because God is near me. He is closer than my skin and he is whispering to me….. that now I see through the mirror dimly, but one day I will see Him face to face, and I will understand…..thankyou God, that you know me better than myself and that this will be good for me…..and so - I will not waste the pain – no – I will learn, and grow, and change, and become… weaker….yes, for strength is over-rated… it is when I am weak, and vulnerable, and helpless – then alone am I strong….what good does self-confidence ever do but pollute your mind with the lie that you are ok on your own? That you need not to change or learn a thing or recklessly abandon your soul to God? No,I need you God, and thank you for this humble reminder that you are all that i could ever need. I will be confident in You and of Your plan to mold me and shape me remind me of what my focus should’ve always been…...Your work of renewal on this earth…..
From the Message, 2 Thess:
Live at peace, knowing that God is in control. Remember, he picked you out as his from the very beginning. You are included in the original plan of salvation through the bond of faith in the living truth. Stand firmly, then, feet on the ground, and head held high…hold fast to what you have been taught, for it is the way of Life.
Amen.
Moving on, here I come.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Thursday, May 05, 2005
the PERFECT weekend
ah....what an amazing time away....i spent the entire weekend with my bestest girlfriend in the whole wide world, Christy - I hadn't seen her all year cuz she was doing an internship for a trend forcasting company in NYC..so it was soooo great to spend some quality time with her.....I picked her up in T.O. on friday and then we went to corduroy's wedding (a friend from camp, the pics are down a bit), and then she came back to barrie with me....we went to a wedding shower on sat, and then visited friends all night, and just had an excellent time full of laughter, intense giggling sometimes, tears, and many soul-bearing chats....i feel so blessed to have her in my life and i thank God alone for her....you're awesome, Chris!!!
Barrie girls
ah....soooooo awesome to see erin and sarah....we love these girls to death and hurray cuz erin is in love with a boy from australia! she met him at YWAM and he's living in the Osborne's basement for the time being.....how perfect.....so this was at annie's shower (who is marrying my friend matt and she's from cali!)...it was a perfect way to see all the women and girlies from Harvest/Willow...a very elegant afternoon....
Charlie's Angels!!!!
yep, we are smokin'!!!! after the shower, christy and i headed to the end of saturday church to find cam and sarah so we could have a good ol' gab fest with sarah...sooooo great to catch up and tell our stories from the year....love you girls to death!!!
Happy Birthday Ash!!
After coffee with sarah we headed down to Jack Astor's for ashley's b-day...it was good to see the Harvest/Bethel crew and catch up.....!
Jackie and Nathan's Wedding
what a gorgeous beautiful wedding! in a green house in New Market - what a great idea. Jackie (aka corduroy) was one of my best girls from camp, whom i adore and miss so much, and Nathan Laverty i've known forever...i like dated him in grade 7! (i went with his family to Blackcreek Pioneer village for our first date - ha!!) anyways....a fabulous cute wedding - they're both skaters so they gave out little mini skateboards for the boys and candles for the girls....but screw that...i snagged me a skateboard....:)
introducing Lucy Charlize
in between the ceremony and the reception christy and i went to visit my best friend from highschool, becky cripps, and her new baby girl! and i cannot believe how much jackson has grown! he's like 2 1/2 now! crazy eh??
le bride et moi!
here is the darling jackie and me....what a babe eh? (the bride's not that bad either) :)
clover and jem!
my darlin former co-counselor, clover (she sometimes goes by shannon). it was soooooooooo good to see her - here i was crying because it was super emotional because i forgot how much i love her and jackie!! camp was way too fun that summer, eh girls? i took out my old pics and was sooo grateful for all the fantasticle memories we made....ben at night, moby in the morning, dancing to "His girl," singing to "feels like home" and roxy roxy roxy....ah....tear...
me and mr. laverty
here's the father of the groom - my dear sweet friend mr. laverty...i cannot believe his speech...soooo funny..."nathan is like peanut butter....sometimes he's crunchy, sometimes he's smooth, and sometimes he's just spread thin.....but there was somethin' missing...and then jackie, came along, and she was like the strawberry jam that completed the sandwhich...." ha!
mark and me
no, i'm not suddenly back in Maui...the wedding was at a green house so there were fresh flowers like....everywhere....this is my good friend formerly known as SPAZ (camp name)....it was wonderful to see him and laugh with him again! ah, spazzy....
jeremy-beremy
what a wild one!!! the party is just gettin started now.....i cannot BELIEVE jeremy is getting married in august!!! the third of the laverty boys to get married in one year....craziness...
scott from halifax
no, i'm really not naked here....but this is me and scott from halifax at the tirnaog on our last party night as education students....boo hoo that i'll probably never see him again....it feels soooo weird to say "have a nice life!" to people that are too cool. take care, scotty...keep me posted, bud!
Happy Birthday, Davide!!
aren't i the coooooolest friend by knitting him this rad wristbad? yeah, i thought so...
education formal!
no more con-ed! the last five years of my life are O-V-E-R....it is soooooo ridiculously hard to believe....i'm excited to move on but sad that i will not see all these peeps anymore... :( here's kailey, jess, matty, me, and gregors...love you guys...!
trist, me, and jessie-girl
my girls! trist was my rez buddy (member the slippers and pregnant-jonesin' phase??)...and jessie girl has always been one of my best girls....she's here for the sum still - yahoo!
me and hambley
i met this kid 5 years ago in frosh week...soooooo sad that i won't just be seein' him around anymore....good luck in the yukon or wherever the freak you end up buddy...love ya!
me and laura bora
ain't we sweet! i love and miss laura bora very much - she was a great housemate and funny little thang...kisses laura..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
