Tuesday, January 23, 2007

not enough headspace for this mind traffic

so among the normal i'm-only-home-for-6-weeks activities, like going to aqua-fit with mom and grandma every morning, eating lots and lots of homemade maple syrup chili and timbits, scheduling in friends' visits like they are doctor's appointments, driving all over ontario to see friends and their newest baby or boyfriend or marriage vows (not always in that order), flying to montreal to a) feel like i'm in Europe, seriously, b) kiss random people i meet twice, and freak out if it ends up on the lips cuz i didn't know which cheek to go for first, and c) see my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, who also happens to be my good friend from korea (don't ask), planning a trip to the dominican republic to visit my best friend's art co-op, yes, people, among all this (see pics here, btw), i'm making three major life decisions that require countless hours of tumultuous thinking.

A) where the heck do i work when i get back to korea in march?
B) where the heck do i work in September?
C) how the heck do i deal with all the political, spiritual, social (mis)information that keeps attacking me constantly over here?

possible answers:

A) this depends on a lot of factors. what's more important to me- working hours? money? job satisfication? vacation time? location? what would be most important to you? well, my dad, being the statistical engineer that he is, drew up this table with all the possible factors and i rated them all and they he did some fancy smancy formula thing and it turns out the job that won is the job with the best hours and job satisfaction and vacation time. but what about money? that is why i'm sacrificing time away from home to go to korea anyways : my end goal has always been to pay off debt and then save money for my masters. but i feel like being debt-free has become an idol, to which i sacrifice job satisfication and fun . Is being debt-free and saving money worth working at a slave labour school where i completely disagree with their philosophy of education? even if it's short term? what about trading $400 a month more for 2 months vacation? or good hours in dognae (far away from everything) vs. bad hours in haeundae (close to friends and beach)? what's worth more?

B) An International School in India or Busan? Adventure or Comfort? Starting over or building deeper relationships?

C) I don't know. Too many opinions, books, news channels, commentaries, people telling me what to believe or who to believe or how to live. Information overload, thanks in part to this media-crazed culture, whose ban-wagon i have recently jumped on. like by getting my new google homepage, where i've linked over 5 different media sources, all saying different things about the same person or event or ideology. somebody, please just shoot me. or at least just tell me what to believe. i just want to live in peace and do what is right! but who know's what that is anymore....Even within the boundaries of "Christianity" I'm annoyed at the "evangelical conservatives" and the "agnostic/liberal/emergent" types. It's hard to trust anyone these days, and i find myself sceptical of everyone's opinion for some reason or another. if only i could fast all forms of media for a few days....no tv, books, internet....how would my mindset change? does one need all this information? hmmm....the dominican republic is fast approaching.....saweet.

J.